217 thoughts on “The First Caption Contest

    1. “…and after loosing all my money my wife left me with this guy from her trip to Vegas and my house burned down. And you really think YOUR life is bad?”

  1. Anyhoo – then when I was seven I developed the first part of my winning Risk strategy, the fundamentals of which will astound and delight you.

  2. “Please don’t jump”
    “People care about you”
    “Your family loves you”
    Cop – Man I’m really just phoning it in today.

  3. You kidding me dave? We are on the second floor. All you gonna do is bust your legs. Now come back in and let us finish that Golden Girls marathon.

  4. Look, if you’re going to kill yourself while in line at the DMV, you’ll need to fill out form SU1-C1D3. So please get back in line and let the next person out on the ledge.

  5. “Always wanted to do that…”
    or
    “Your insurance doesn’t cover it”
    or
    “Always overreacting!”
    or
    “On your way, can you tell christine from the 12th floor to come and see me please?”

  6. You do realize that seppuku is now the accepted method?
    OR
    I’ll turn the blues off, if that helps.
    OR
    All right, you have my word, I won’t bring Mexican for lunch anymore.
    OR
    Larry, I’d feel the same way. But how do you ‘do right’ by your sister, marry her?
    OR
    It’s real easy. Hold on to the ledge, hang upside-down, smear your snot on the boss’ window, and flip back up before he sees you.
    OR
    I’m thinking of something…hm…larger than a breadbox…

  7. I kind of want to see one of the comments decrying Toonhole’s loss of creativity become the winning caption.

    “Come back inside, Burt. People will have to stop making jokes about Miley’s VMA performance eventually.”

  8. “Red Bull doesn’t really give you wings, Frank.”

    or

    “It’s always about YOU, isn’t it?”

    or

    “Would you mind taking the garbage on your way out?”

    or

    “Listen, my supervisor’s watching… can you at least pretend like I’m helping here?”

    1. And another two, just for the har-de-har’s (not entries):

      Well here’s your new office, seeing as you felt like a ‘bird in a cage’…

      Well here’s your new office, seeing as you wanted ‘broader horizons’…

  9. “Don’t worry, it’s just a formality! If you REALLY want that raise you asked for, you need to proof your devotion to the company”

  10. Come back in body !
    You should know that if Sherlock Holmes falls off a building, that he will survive, somehow.
    You on the other end…………..

  11. Gary, we have rules here at the IRS. If you’re going to jump, you need to first fill out the green form in triplicate and have it notarized….

  12. Well Greg I told you your whole “bring your daughter to work day”-plan would come to this with what a womanizer our boss is.

  13. Your time schedule seems nice and cosy, but believe me, with your PM, project deadline will literally hit you in your face. Yet you don’t even have to worry about the post project audit…

  14. Okay, then. Dan, I’m “sorry” that I “had an affair” with your wife for the “last 15 years”, and that I’m “technically the father of your children.” Geez.

  15. Sure you can kill yourself this way, but think about the poor shmuck that’s gotta clean up your worthless ass from the pavement.

  16. “Thanks for stopping here, this is a really nice view. So where was I? Oh, right; So I’ve got the rubber chicken in one hand, a bottle of tobasco sauce in the other, the snow blower’s running, the vibrator is set to ‘kill’ our clothes are off except for our socks, and your mother just looks at me through the mask and whispers ‘do it’…

  17. “TOONHOLE CHRIS IS SO ATTRACTIVE! I DO NOT THINK I CAN LIVE ANYMORE WITHOUT HIS LOVING EMBRACE.”

    “RELAX, KID. TOONHOLE CHRIS HAS ENOUGH TENDER LOVING FOR EVERYONE BECAUSE HE IS JUST THAT HANDSOME AND GENEROUS.”

  18. Either way this ends up, you’re not keeping your job. Worst-case scenario, I pay the janitor overtime for cleaning up your mess.

  19. Look, just because you said you’d kill yourself if the boss didn’t give you a raise doesn’t mean you’re not a man of your word if you don’t… Wait, it kinda does…

  20. Look, we are on a tight budget, so that means we definetely cannot afford stairs or parachutes. Would it kill you to make sacrifices for your job for once?

  21. “Chad, you’ve been there for two days. If you’re gonna jump, just jump already, I want my scenery back.” Yes, I know this is 3 years later, but there was so many comments I thought I should add one too………*runs*

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