“C’mon, Clark, you know you can’t die. Get back to work.”
Fred, I think there was a miscommunication. I said you were ‘dressed to kill’, not ‘kill yourself.’
“…and after loosing all my money my wife left me with this guy from her trip to Vegas and my house burned down. And you really think YOUR life is bad?”
just sayin, real men jump off the top of the building
Dude, I was just joking. Santa is real, OK?
OMG, same shit diferent month…
“take some acid before you can fly”
“There is always a Deadline, John..”
Anyhoo – then when I was seven I developed the first part of my winning Risk strategy, the fundamentals of which will astound and delight you.
Are you serious? You run out of creativity so you suddenly decide to make a “caption contest” ¬¬
It’s a Thursday. We still got stuff scheduled for Friday and beyond : )
we all no your to pussy dave, get off the ledge
“They’re waiting John… You’re not going to disappoint them too are you?”
“Before you go, can I get your iPhone?”
“So you’re going to die the way you lived?”
“Please don’t jump”
“People care about you”
“Your family loves you”
Cop – Man I’m really just phoning it in today.
So yeah, if you could do a flip, that’d be great. thanks.
“sooooo… about those 15 bucks you owe me.”
You kidding me dave? We are on the second floor. All you gonna do is bust your legs. Now come back in and let us finish that Golden Girls marathon.
Take it easy. Someone is bound to reply to your internet trolling eventually…
Look, if you’re going to kill yourself while in line at the DMV, you’ll need to fill out form SU1-C1D3. So please get back in line and let the next person out on the ledge.
You do realize even if you kill yourself every one will still talk about what you did with Paul last night.
“C’mon! Is not that your wife even loved you in the first place!”
You can come back in, my wife’s gone.
“Red socks with brown pants? I’d kill myself too.”
“Always wanted to do that…”
“Your insurance doesn’t cover it”
“On your way, can you tell christine from the 12th floor to come and see me please?”
“You didn’t shit your pants that bad.”
The problem is style. How will you jump?
So,… You’re not gonna finish your lunch,….
Jeez, Frank. It’s not like you’re in a Bitstrip…
You ought to just jump, because your mother never loved you and your dad drinks because you’re a disappointment.
You do realize that seppuku is now the accepted method?
I’ll turn the blues off, if that helps.
All right, you have my word, I won’t bring Mexican for lunch anymore.
Larry, I’d feel the same way. But how do you ‘do right’ by your sister, marry her?
It’s real easy. Hold on to the ledge, hang upside-down, smear your snot on the boss’ window, and flip back up before he sees you.
I’m thinking of something…hm…larger than a breadbox…
Look if you need to go home that badly just ask.
Ok, just the tip only and you get the raise.
she’s not worth it… blah blah blah
You do know that this is on your own time. You’ve already had your break
Tryna walk off the job? Wrong exit sonny
This counts as a resignation, no compensation, I warn you.
‘Don’t make empty threats to me, we work on the first floor’
You’re still not getting the weekend off.
“Hey, it could be worse—at least you’re not a webcomic artist…”
Bet you 50 bucks you won’t jump
tried that…ended up here again.
Dave, Can I borrow 100 bucks?
You know Dave, giving your boss genital warts isn’t the end of the world. He will forgive you eventually.
I know ToonHole’s lost their touch but there’s still hope, Johnny.
“Not sure if this helps, but I heard the company gives your family a plaque if you manage to hit your parking spot.”
“Your ass actually looks a lot tighter from up there. What’s your secret?”
You’re a dick. That’s what you are…
“Don’t hit the hot dog cart, please. That’s my lunch.”
The cops aren’t coming to save you, and nobody down there even notices you, so you better just go back inside.
“Trust me. The spaceship is just cloaked.”
“If it helps any, it’s not the fall that’ll kill ya but the sudden stop.”
“I know you’re hurting, I really do, but could you do me a favor and try to land on Jenkins’ car?”
Can I get your report first?
I kind of want to see one of the comments decrying Toonhole’s loss of creativity become the winning caption.
“Come back inside, Burt. People will have to stop making jokes about Miley’s VMA performance eventually.”
“Red Bull doesn’t really give you wings, Frank.”
“It’s always about YOU, isn’t it?”
“Would you mind taking the garbage on your way out?”
“Listen, my supervisor’s watching… can you at least pretend like I’m helping here?”
Did you fill out your suicide paperwork? Otherwise this doesn’t count…
“We’re only on the second floor.”
“Eddy think about it again tomorrow is payday”
Can I have your taco in the break room fridge? It would be a shame to let it go to waste.
“Clean up when your done would ya?”
Well at least this way we don’t have to pay your severence
Well here’s your new office, seeing as you wanted to ‘spread your wings’ a bit more…
And another two, just for the har-de-har’s (not entries):
Well here’s your new office, seeing as you felt like a ‘bird in a cage’…
Well here’s your new office, seeing as you wanted ‘broader horizons’…
C’mon Chris drawing comics for ToonHole isn’t that bad.
“You know a real man just goes and does it”
“it’s ok champ you can try again tomorrow”
“Gravity isn’t a law, it’s just a suggestion.”
“Come on, the Toonhole comic wasn’t THAT bad.”
So… I’m guessing this is your early two weeks notice?
“Larry, I’m callin dibs on your wife.
…And Johnson needs your report by tuesday.”
“So yeah, if you can get those TPS reports in by Monday, that’d be great.”
Haha! Office space!
“You could always wait until Fall.”
“I suggest you wait until Fall.”
“Don’t worry, it’s just a formality! If you REALLY want that raise you asked for, you need to proof your devotion to the company”
“Could you try to land in the dumpster?”
Once in a lifetime deal…
“It’s $5.95 to jump and $15 for the picture.”
“Come on, Mitch. Gotta hit the road! I got them Appropriate Phrase classes tonight.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m not the only one that’s sleeping with her.”
“Yeah, sure, this’ll convince her leaving you was a bad idea.”
“Look, Free Ice Cream Monday was just cancelled, so can you hurry it up a little?”
Internet pirates can’t afford planks, but the punishments are similar.
“Couldn’t you hand me your wallet first?”
“you know, if you wait till tomorrow i win the betting pool.”
When you told me “I feel like shit this morning”, I thought you meant for breakfast!
What kind of a pose is that? More ASS!
“You really prefer doing this than telling you’re wife you lost the job John?”
“Look, All I’m saying is that if you’re going to jump, aim for the bosses car.”
haha! That one’s golden!
About that sandwich man. It really wasn’t that good, the juice on the other hand…
“Think first before you jump, Bill Murphy”
I TOLD you watching Game of Thrones was a bad idea.
Yeah, you might as well.
Its Friday, Jim. If your going to jump, why not do it on a Monday.
“What’s the reason this time Dave? Someone say Hump Day too many times?”
“You really think you’re getting a raise just for this?”
“I tried to tell you she had a dick, man.”
“Listen, do you need me to clear your browser history or not?”
look, how about you just nail my wife, Then we’ll be even.
“I can’t believe they killed off so many characters. Did you hear what happened to Joffrey?”
Come back in body !
You should know that if Sherlock Holmes falls off a building, that he will survive, somehow.
You on the other end…………..
“I think you should try another floor; I tried this one before.”
Oh, get back in here. It’s not gonna hurt THAT much.
Gary, we have rules here at the IRS. If you’re going to jump, you need to first fill out the green form in triplicate and have it notarized….
Go ahead – at least you’ll finally make a good impression.
You really gotta stick the takeoff if you wanna clear that taxi cab
Are you going to pay me back for lunch first?
“First day at the spy agency, huh?”
How bad can it be? We’ve all got health insurance now.
“Size doesnt matter, honey…”
you know that giant mattress the Fire department inflated in the street is for the people on the floor that’s on fire right?
Look, I know this ain’t seeming like the best retirement plan, but It ain’t the worst neither.
“Man, I already gave you ten bucks, now it’s your turn to hold on to the bargain.”
Well Greg I told you your whole “bring your daughter to work day”-plan would come to this with what a womanizer our boss is.
Your time schedule seems nice and cosy, but believe me, with your PM, project deadline will literally hit you in your face. Yet you don’t even have to worry about the post project audit…
“Got some change for the candy machine?”
“So ah.. what was your wife’s Cell Phone Number again?”
Stop hallucinating Anderson, you’re not in the Matrix
“Could you call Jenn from accountancy on your way down?”
So dave, What are you up to for this weekend?
“Babe….ok, don’t jump. You can be on top”
“Wait, if your wife is the devil, wouldn’t she just be there after you landed anyway?”
Are you done yet? You’re blocking my view.
Okay, then. Dan, I’m “sorry” that I “had an affair” with your wife for the “last 15 years”, and that I’m “technically the father of your children.” Geez.
How long have you been afraid of firemen, Steve?
Sure you can kill yourself this way, but think about the poor shmuck that’s gotta clean up your worthless ass from the pavement.
“So you mean, you’ve seen that casting couch in here before…?”
“Nah, I don’t think you need to feel bad about it. I don’t think they loved you anyway.”
Hey Larry could you get those papers delivered by 2:00? Thank You
Do it, Ted. For your wife’s sake.
“C’mon, Chris’ book isn’t *that* bad.”
So I take it you don’t mind if I take that lunch in the fridge off your hands?
“So…you have fear of heights?
“You look jumpy today.”
“Pretty sure she’s dead.”
It’s longer than it looks
“red bull gives you wings, right?”
Look, if you don’t think happy thoughts, how are you going to get to Neverland?
“If you’re going to jump, stop. Give me last weeks pay first, you won’t need it, then you can jump.”
“It’s not the end of the world, My wife calls me a coward all the time.”
Cordless Bungee Jumping: $5
trust me, that Redbull will save you
Don’t do it. Don’t jump. It’s not high enough.
I hope you have arranged the cleanup
“I remember my first time hearing a Lil’ Wayne song.”
“Look Son, I know you really liked Clara but she likes fluffier men than you.”
“While you’re out, can you bring me back a double-whip, soy, half-calf triple-shot caramel iced latte?”
“We both know you aren’t going to really do it, not get those pants off and get back in here!”
“Look, if you don’t have the report, that’s fine, but i’m going to need before lunch.”
“Thanks for stopping here, this is a really nice view. So where was I? Oh, right; So I’ve got the rubber chicken in one hand, a bottle of tobasco sauce in the other, the snow blower’s running, the vibrator is set to ‘kill’ our clothes are off except for our socks, and your mother just looks at me through the mask and whispers ‘do it’…
If you could give me those TPS reports after you are done jumping that would be great.
Taking a risky step, you’re not the man for it
“TOONHOLE CHRIS IS SO ATTRACTIVE! I DO NOT THINK I CAN LIVE ANYMORE WITHOUT HIS LOVING EMBRACE.”
“RELAX, KID. TOONHOLE CHRIS HAS ENOUGH TENDER LOVING FOR EVERYONE BECAUSE HE IS JUST THAT HANDSOME AND GENEROUS.”
“Would you mind aiming to the left of the red Prius? My insurance doesn’t cover depression.”
“Are you going to jump or not? I have a life to get back to”
You slept with a transvestite? No dude, you better jump
Can you clean out your desk first?
“All you need to do is take one step forward and I get pity sex with your wife”
Either way this ends up, you’re not keeping your job. Worst-case scenario, I pay the janitor overtime for cleaning up your mess.
Where ya goin’? The Lane Bryant orgy’s about to start.
“…and then, right when I got home, I realized that my socks didn’t match. Just one of those days, huh buddy?”
“If you wait another day, we can sell ring-side seats; make a real spectator sport of it.”
Man on a ledge — Alright I guessed your dumb charade, now come back inside before some one calls the cops!
“I’m just saying that Fluttershy is not the best pony, John.”
“You know this is the first floor, right?”
“I don’t know why you’re so upset, I’m the one who had to sleep with her.”
Could you also fire Genie, Stew, and Ellen on your way down? Thanks.
I just told you. High hopes come with high risks.
So if you want to get that job, you better jump.
“Trust me, this is the best way to get over your fear of falling to your death.”
“Yeah, but how do you REALLY feel about Eminem’s new LP?”
Hey,could you do that somewhere else? The front entrance is right where you’re about to drop.
Look, just because you said you’d kill yourself if the boss didn’t give you a raise doesn’t mean you’re not a man of your word if you don’t… Wait, it kinda does…
“Jump. I don’t care”
I know your right hand looks like Duckman, but that is no reason to end it.
well, I guess she’s gonna be post-op *someday*
When the boss just wont shut up.
“Come off the ledge or what ever. You got so much to live for I guess”
Come on Greg. Your going to make the suicide hot line look bad again
First rule of telemarketing new guy. Don’t let them get to ya.
“Are you sure that trampoline will catch me?”
“No, but I will. On camera.
Would you hurry up, Bill. There is a line you know.
feel so stupid, i miss spelled my email D: this one is right.
it’s a figure of speech! do something on the edge, i didn’t mean for you to stand on the ledge!
Could you hurry up? You’re letting the warm air out..
“L’addition, s’il vous plait !”
Listen Bob, I’ve been trying to tell you your wife wasn’t even that great of a lay.
Listen, Steve, this still means you’re working on Christmas, ok?
“Look kid, I ain’t got all day..are you going to buy some insurance or what?”
Just in case you survive, could you land near Subway? I forgot my lunch today.
Can I at least give you your pink slip before you jump?
Conflict’s Submission: “All the cool kids are doing it.”
so do you want the chicn or the fish
what do you expect me to do, un-sleep with your wife
just jump already
“Okay Marv, I bet the guys in human resources fifty bucks you’d stay out here all night. Don’t fuck this up.”
“Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays.”
You know that suicide by jumping off a skyscraper is so 1929?
Fine, if I say Toonhole is funny will you come back inside?
you know, you COULD just call in sick.
Look, we are on a tight budget, so that means we definetely cannot afford stairs or parachutes. Would it kill you to make sacrifices for your job for once?
Brings some donuts on your way back up, will ya?
C’mo mate. You wife ain’t that bad. I tried her.
Relax, what are the odds of a plane hitting the South Tower too?
I know being ugly is hard, but slamming on your face won’t make it better.
So how’d the meeting go?
Can I have your parking spot?
The new xbox isn’t that bad.
…yeah I’v been banging your wife for a while now. My bad.
Don’t you think killing yourself is a little too amanda toddish,
“So is it OK if I start dating your wife? You know, after you… jump.”
“So that hot pocket you left in the fridge… Up for grabs, or…?”
I’m with you kid, they never shoulda cancelled ALF.
“So you practice suicide only on the first floor and you already sweat that much.”
“Aim for the bushes, I’ve a heard it’s not that bad”
this should have said “You mind closing the window? its drafty in here”.
have you considered taking up drinking?
do a flip, faggot!
“Chad, you’ve been there for two days. If you’re gonna jump, just jump already, I want my scenery back.” Yes, I know this is 3 years later, but there was so many comments I thought I should add one too………*runs*
We are going to run another contest soon! Stick around!
So… you gonna buy that life insurance or not?
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